here i am..just a lil different..
Friday, April 07, 2006
~Here I am...Just a lil different..~
this is my last blog entry before im warded i guess..so listen up..
Im a suspect for a lung infection a.k.a pneumonia..and it sucks..terribly..
I havent eaten for four days??and each time i try to eat..be it porridge or other stuffs i was forced to..it just wont go thru my goddamn gullet..it will just stop in my mouth..and there i am..already drained by this sickness..need to muster a gigantuarian just to force it down..and nono..it doesnt stop only there..the pain..the pain when it slips down ur gullet into the stomach is unbearable..
so i didnt eat for these four days..im as thin as those POWs you see in ur old social studies book..but it doesnt matter..
I'm tired of being sick..tired of just lying on my bed waiting for either mom or sis to remind me the hours for me to eat my medication..oh yes..my stomach has plenty of chemicals in it..every 4-6 hours i will eat five different type of medicine..it is a mundane routine..but mundane isnt specific enough...its EXCRUCIATING..
every single day i just lie on my bed..or the sofa outside..just pant my way thruout the day..my brain activity has decreased..thats why its hard for me to register what ppl is saying..therefore im left just to stare at ceilings or walls...wondering when this hell of a test will end..
Cough- yes i do cough...LOADS OF TIMES..and each time i cough there will be a sharp pain in my chest..as if a group of ppl just came by me and stab me all over with razor blades..i try to cry..yes..call me a sissybaby i dnt mind..but then tears culdnt come out..and there i was..sat on my bed..just wincing in pain..as i waited..waited for this test to go away..
Im just a tired guy..walking around in the house will just make me breathless..headaches are aplenty..they just slow down my brain activity..sounds just appear too loud..and i get irritated by small little things..
but nothing can help me..yet..
since tuesday i just lie on my bed..occasionally shivering..and with my strange stares a stranger might suspect me suffering from a serious mental disease..
but no..im mentally well..thats why im able to write this..
nobody understands me better than myself..i feel..
nobody can feel the pain im thru..i guess..
correct me if im wrong but if you CAN feel the way that i feel rite now..or even have a very intelligent stab in the dark of what kind of suffering im thru rite now..just give me a tinkle..i wuldnt mind having a short chat with you...that is..if my breathing permits..
i've been informed by frens that my mates in school somehow doubts that im suffering at home..they just think that im just one of those regular ponteng-kias
..but of dearie frens have you nt got a mind to think??how can i possibly escape nt coming for four days??..so much for ponteng
how i miss holding my dear's hands..how i miss seeing her and the rest..how i love and miss school..how i miss being shouted at by teachers..how i miss those boring assemblies..those routine periods are much more...trust me..than what im going thru now..
after reading this..some might just wave and say 'ahh..another sympathy hunger kid'...
NOOO..i dnt wish for your sympathy if you think im too filthy to deserve it..im here just to tell my lil tale of my lil dissapearance..
at the end of it i just realised 'hey..im still the same old kid..just a lil different'..
thats when i decided to title my entry as such..if you do notice that is..
im still the same old me..but just a lil...only a lil..different
i dont know how long i can take panting thru the hours..minutes appear to be passing slowly than usual..till i've gone tired to glance at the clock..
this is real..not a compo written out of leisure..i will most probably be hospitalised either tonite or in a day or two if my x-ray proves that i have lung infection..
if that is the case..then this wud be my last entry...for now..
" ..it's all about you now.. "